A Jeff of the South Special: Swim-Swim Goes to Melbourne (Part One)

Hello!

Jeff-not-of-the-South here!  And it's time for a Jeff-not-of-the-South special.  (Frankly, any additions to this blog - should there be any after this one - are going to be specials.)



I'm writing this one at Swim-Swim's request, actually.  He got a case of itchy (webbed) feet, bless his little cotton (webbed) socks, and wanted to take off to Melbourne for a visit.  Which he did.  And he asked me to document it.  Which I did.

So here it is: Swim-Swim goes to Melbs

Like most conventional trips to Melbourne, the journey begins at the airport.  Here is Swim-Swim at the airport.

Airport.  Or more accurately, given the OTT security these day, Airfort.

Did I say conventional?  Pfff.  There is nothing conventional about any journey involving Swim-Swim, let me tell you.  But conventionally or otherwise, he was going to visit Melbourne.

And not just Swim-Swim went to Melbs either; he wanted to take his Mum, Xanthe, with him.

Xanthe (Mum-Mum)

And she was pretty pleased to be going, too.

So, once a penguin (and his human) are in Melbourne, what are they to do?  Why, they make use of the public transport, that's what they do.  Melbourne is blessed with potentially one of the world's best public transport systems.

For the transporting of the public.

Potentially, that is.  What is it that is keeping it from being unequivocally the best in the world?  What is the thing that is almost guaranteed to send your average Melburnian into paroxysms of frustration and vitriol?  What is this thing that is the source of much confusion amongst natives and visitors alike?

Why, it is this:

The source of much angst.

No, not Swim-Swim (although he does come a close second).  It is the Myki Card.  In theory it is one of the most convenient and effective ticketing systems available.  In practice... not so much.  Since its inception the Myki system has (so I am reliably informed) had more teething issues than a dentures factory.

Still, teething issues or no, Swim-Swim had little choice but to use it if he wanted to get from place to place.  No penguin wants to be stung for fare evasion!

So, where to go?  Xanthe was keen to visit the home of her favourite AFL team, Carlton, so Swim-Swim relented and accompanied her to their home ground at Princes Park.  They had a quick breeze through the shop to see if there was any overpriced tat to be had (there was), and then a more general look around the place.

Imagine her delight when Xanthe discovered that there were 2-dimensional versions of a couple of her favourite players.  And, truth be told, Swim-Swim was not a little bit buzzed as well.  So there was time for a quick posed photograph.

Not satisfied with a simple posed photo, Swim-Swim felt that he had to photobomb the Carlton captain, Marc Murphy.

Uhhh...

I'm not sure how much kudos there is to be found in photobombing a cardboard cutout of someone, but I'm tipping that it's not much.

Onya, Swim-Swim.



With the visit to the Holy of Holies out of the way it was then time to turn to that other pastime for which Melbourne is renowned: LE SHOPPING!

For what, you might ask, would a toy penguin shop?  And with what would he shop?  What possible source of income might a toy penguin have that would enable such an acquisitive activity?  Well don't ask me; I have no idea.  The little blighter plays his cards pretty close to his chest when it comes to financial matters.

Frankly I wouldn't be surprised if he weren't up to his flippers in shady dealings, but as I have no evidence one way or the other I can only surmise.

Anyway, it was off to the shops we went.  In this case it was the Westfield Doncaster Shopping Centre that was our destination.  With over 400 shops and 5000 car parking spaces, it's a bit of a monster, but worth a look.

Some Jones fellow owns this shop.

A look is just about all that was available, sadly.  I wasn't a witness to what happened, so I cannot accurately report on events.  However it seems that Swim-Swim got himself involved in some kind of unfortunate exchange in one of the shops.

Westfield management were very kind about about it all, but suggested to us that perhaps our penguin might have more success shopping elsewhere.  Anywhere but there.  In fact, they were rather insistent on that point.

So much for shopping.

After the excitement it was time to take the weight off and have a cuppa, with café culture being something else for which Melbourne is justifiably reputed.

And here is a photo of Swim-Swim about to immerse himself in said café culture.

Slurp-slurp.

Luckily he didn't literally immerse himself, but I was keeping a close eye on him just in case he tried it.  He did, however, drink most of that mug full.  He's a bear for his coffee is our Swim-Swim.

And that's about all of the excitement that can be crammed into one single blog post.   Ah, but the adventure is far from over.  Stay tuned, for in the next day or so the rest of Swim-Swim's hi-jinks and jolly japes will find their way onto the pages of this blog. And Xanthe will make a few appearances as well, just to add a soupçon of sanity to the proceedings.

It promises to be... something.  I'm not entirely sure what.